I have gone back and forth a million times about whether I would post this blog post or not.. I feel like it’s dangerous to get too personal; however, writing this helped me and when I went through my horrendous break up earlier this year, I was seeking out articles, by women, to see how they dealt with their heartbreak. Some people decide to write music, others dance, some create art, and some harbor their feelings, I have decided to write. I have opened up, in this post, and tried to be vulnerable in the hopes that I can help even one individual deal with their breakup feelings and realize there is so much hope.
I guess to start, I have to explain my story, then move on to the positive things I learned.. I haven’t included every painful detail because some things are just too much to talk about and too personal but you will get the gist of it. Back in June, I had just gotten back from one of the most life-changing trips of my life with my beautiful family. Prior to the trip, I had graduated and just completed a semester of full-time school, two jobs, and an internship. I was flying high and life was good. I get back from the trip to be unexpectedly dumped, after a year and a half, with no explanation whatsoever. Vaguely told they needed to focus on their career and vaguely told they were feeling distant. Saying this now, it sounds ridiculous because of the person he is, but I thought I was going to spend my life with him and having this happen, out of the blue, broke me into a million bajillion little pieces, to put it lightly. I lost 12 pounds because I couldn’t eat for weeks, I cried constantly, I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything, I felt weak, and I felt like my life would never go on. Dramatic, I know, but that’s how I felt. On top of that, I begged for conversations of closure just so that I could go on with my life, and was blown off every single time. There are many other things that happened during this time in regards to how much disrespect was thrown at me, but long story short, after I was denied any sort of explanation or closure over and over again, I put an end to it with a text. During the six months since that time, we had unfollowed each other on social media but he was still looking at all of my social media, I did the whole questioning thing in my head that us girls do. “Well he doesn’t deserve to see what I’m doing but also I don’t want to seem like I care, so I won’t block him yet.” Fast forward to last week, I’m hanging at my place of work, and he walks by holding hands with another girl. Mind you, hadn’t heard from him since I finally gave up on him being an adult, back in summer. I could go on and on about how our relationship revolved around him and how immature he was and all that, but at this point, this above information is all that is really relevant. I needed you to see my side to understand where I was coming from.
When I initially had my heart broken, I thought my world was over. I couldn’t function, I couldn’t do anything like I normally did, and I felt like my heart was shattered into a million pieces that could never be glued back together. The thing that made it worse was that I was denied the closure I deserved over and over and over again. The cherry on top was seeing him, after six horrendous months where I built myself up again from scratch, to see that everything seemed to not have effected him. Here’s my message to you…
- God is faithful.
- Everything happens for a reason.
- You may have a much bigger heart than some people ever will.
- Life isn’t fair.
- Time truly does heal.
- Some people will never grow up.
- And you are so much stronger than you ever think you could be.
My friends picked me up off of the ground when everything initially happened, and they continued to carry me every single step of the way through the healing process. They checked in constantly, they brought me ice cream, they forced me to eat and to go out. They let me cry for hours, they shared their stories, they did everything they possibly could to be the best friends that they could be. This saved me. My family and friends saved me. And you know what? I also saved myself. I learned to be strong, I learned that God wouldn’t put you through something if He didn’t think you could get through it, I learned that you should never date someone that your friends and family don’t approve of from the get-go. I learned that strength comes from within and loving and believing in yourself takes you so much farther than you ever thought possible. I learned that some people are immature and disrespectful and as much as you want to change that, it’s impossible. I learned that you are not always going to be treated the way you deserve, but you have to take it gracefully with your head held high. There are many lessons that I learned, like I said, I could go on and on and on about this topic.
Fast forward to seeing him, after never receiving the treatment I should’ve, surprisingly, I felt at peace. Hurt? yes. Disrespected? Absolutely. Disappointed? Of course. But you can’t expect someone who has always only cared about them self to change. It is healing to walk past someone like that and realize how much better you are because of what happened. I won’t say the six months to self love and healing were great, because they were painful as hell, but sometimes you have to go through pain to see growth. I was able to continue on with my night and life, (somewhat) normally, because I knew then, how much better I was for what happened. God saved me from something that could have been even worse later on. Not to mention my amazing friends texting me the funniest, most loving, fiercely defensive things ever.
My road to healing isn’t finished yet and time is helping, but I do want to give hope to anyone going through this or going through something similar to this. Have faith that everything happens for a reason, know that you will get stronger, I promise, and realize how much the people in your life love you. My heart is so incredibly full because of the people I have surrounded myself with, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have days where it still doesn’t sting a little, but every time it hurts a little, I am wrapped up in so much love and reminded how amazing I am. Feel the hurt, acknowledge it, and then don’t let that person have that power over you anymore. You are amazing, you are beautiful, you deserve to be treated like the queen (or king) that you are. Don’t ever let anyone treat you less than you deserve and remember that no matter how hard you try, how amazing you are to someone, or how much love and effort you pour into someone, you can’t ever change someone who doesn’t want to be changed.
I can never stress enough how much YOU are enough. Do not ever let anyone make you feel like you aren’t and never let yourself feel like that. Remind yourself every single day of the things you love about yourself, count your blessings every morning (I honestly do this every single day and it is the beestttt), know how much God loves you, pray, text your friends, your family, and know that life is SO FULL. I truly truly trullyyy believe everything happens for a reason, and this has proven so true. I never realized how terribly I was being treated, until I was out of it and looked back on it, to see it the way everyone else did.
I never have gone through such a disrespectful break up, my high school break ups were more civil than this one.. but in the words of Ari “thank u, next”. Not sure that I’m grateful for my ex, at all, but I am ready to move on and learned so much about myself. I love myself, I love my family, I love my friends, and I’m so strong and ready to tackle this world. You are too. “There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” – C.S.Lewis