“Be gentle to your precious little soul.” For me, part of starting this blog, was having the opportunity to write about something that I’m passionate about. Whether one person read it or 100 people read it, I felt like I could express my love for others and hopefully help a single person through a tough situation. So many of my favorite bloggers write about fashion and beauty, their favorite products, interior design, and so much more. I love it all and plan to write about those too; however, for me, my biggest passion is people. I love people and I love the people in my life and I love hearing peoples’ stories and I love the journey we take as humans. I’m not going to lie, this post may be the most vulnerable I’ve ever been, but my hope is that I can help a single person realize the beauty of life and how much we have to offer to other people.
My heart is hurting and I feel defeated. There’s no need to go into any sort of detail, all you need to know, to understand this, is that I care so deeply for people that mean so much to me, but you cannot help people who don’t want to be helped. In all honesty, this year has felt like one disappointment after another and in the midst of some huge accomplishments, such as graduating college, I’ve felt lost and had many times where I felt like I was disappointed in the outcome of situations. With this being said, I am finally realizing something about life. Part of disappointment comes from specific expectations. I think as humans we are taught to plan for our future, on so many fronts, whether it is with jobs, relationships, families, travel plans, being financially stable, etc, and we forget that every single day is a gift. I think I have expectations for every single one of these things for when they should happen, how successful I should be, and how they should occur. The problem with this, is that I’m already setting myself up for failure. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t work hard and plan for your future and work hard to achieve goals, I’m just saying that goals and expectations are different and shouldn’t be confused.
So, getting back to my purpose of this post, I am someone that will give and give and give and give until there is nothing left of me. I am fiercely loyal and will do everything I possibly can, for the people I love, at the expense of myself. This is so true of so many of my friends, I see it happen all the time, and I’ve realized this about myself and how dangerous this really is. The past few years I’ve lost some friendships and some relationships and I realize what a common thread is through all of them. You cannot go through life giving 100% to people and receiving 0% in return. The thing about relationships, whether it’s friends, significant others, families, any relationship, really, is that there needs to be effort put forth on both fronts to be successful. As humans, we long to be cared for and loved and it’s hard when it’s one-sided. As much as I want to do everything in my power to help everyone I come in contact with, at some point, I need to realize that protecting my happiness, positivity, and mental health, is just as important as helping other people with theirs. The biggest disappointment is when someone you care so much about is giving you nothing in return and you have to realize that it isn’t healthy for yourself. Relationships are never going to always be 50/50, they may be 40/60 at times, 20/80 at times, or even 0/100, but things should always even themselves out eventually, and come back to an equilibrium, where each party feels cared for and loved. This brings me to my next point. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Life is hard and there are so many things thrown at us every single day. Random incidents can occur, every day, that we don’t plan for, but having people there to lean on sure helps a lot. I want to be that person for others, but I also can’t put myself in a precarious spot to do so. Put yourself in situations with relationships where you feel supported and loved in return, and you don’t feel like you are giving and giving and giving with nothing in return. This is one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in the past few years.
Back to the thing about my heart hurting, we need to realize that every person we see, is fighting their own battles and trying their best to navigate this crazy life thing. Be kind to people, be there for people, love people, but also make sure to take care of yourself. All summer I felt like I was on a steady incline towards my happiness and positivity, honestly the best that I’ve felt in years, and a few little hiccups have made me feel a little backslide, but all we can do is pick ourselves up, trudge forward, and put one foot in front of the other to continue climbing. Life is beautiful, it really is, and there is so much to learn, see, love, experience, and we have to realize that part of life is dealing with unexpected complications. I intend to keep climbing and climbing and I hope you do too, with all the love and light and kindness in your heart that you possibly can have, all while protecting yourself. I’m not going to sit here and tell you this year has been great, it really hasn’t. To be completely honest, it has been one of the hardest years of my entire life. Getting completely screwed over by an ex, friendships crumbling, health issues with loved ones, figuring out what I want to do with my life, auditions, life changes, and self-esteem issues are some of what has made up this past year for me. 2018 has been a rough one to say the least, and I keep saying “I can’t wait for this year to be over. I can’t wait for a fresh start. I can’t wait for 2019.” I HAVE to stop saying that, and if you’re that person, you do too. We don’t know how long we are gifted on this earth and how much time we really do have. The truth is, there are people out there wondering if they ae even going to make it to the next day. Every single gosh darn day is a true blessing and we HAVE to have that perspective. Even the days where we wake up and feel the world crumbling down around us, or we want to curl up into a ball and cry about that failed relationship, that job we didn’t get, that person we couldn’t change, you have to realize that you are so much stronger than your circumstances and the perfect plan for your life will pan out accordingly. Some people want fame, some want money, some want that dream job, some want to be a mom, I want to help others, to make others laugh, to love others, and hold up others when they feel like they are falling. Follow your dreams and pursue your passions and help others climb right alongside you. Just remember that you have to keep yourself strong to strengthen others. It’s all the little things in life that keep us going and realizing how amazing and incredible this beautiful, crazy life is. “Hope is not pretending that troubles don’t exist. It is the hope that they won’t last forever. That hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome. That we will be led out of the darkness and into the sunshine.”